Some days, my mind feels like a hamster wheel—spinning furiously, but really…going nowhere. The pace is fast, too fast. It’s tiring, and no matter how I push, I can’t seem to get off. In that relentless motion, life itself starts to become a little blurry. I suspect many of you have felt this same way.
We all wear many hats and often find our “adaptive personalities” fighting with our authentic selves for space. For me, its – Father – Husband – Son – CEO – Podcast Host – Writer – Friend. Each role requires something different from me and each is independently feeding a different kind of energy to the hamster in my mind. All together, they keep the wheel in my mind whirling away. At the end of a long day, the hamster doesn’t want to stop. Instead, like an over caffeinated adrenaline junky, it digs down deep and shifts into overdrive. The wheel spins even faster—replaying the day’s mistakes, rehearsing tomorrow’s battles, inventing problems that don’t even exist yet.
When my head hits the pillow each night, I’m my own worst critic. No one will ever be as hard on me as I am on myself.
- Did I do a good job today for my team?
- Did I make the most of the time that I had available?
- Is my wife proud of what I accomplished for our family?
- Was I a good role model for my children?
- Did I succeed and push forward or will I wake up tomorrow in the same damn spot?
Why do we do this? Why do we offer grace and mercy to others but never return the same to ourselves. When you’re on the wheel, there’s no time for reflection. There’s little time left for friends, for hobbies, even for family. You may be present in body, but your brain is somewhere else entirely – and you’re not experiencing real life.
The cruel irony is that, despite all the running my hamster does, I’ve found that I’m not actually going anywhere. The wheel spins, the hamster grinds it out, but the ground beneath me never changes. There’s no forward progress – it’s always 3rd down and long.
I’ve come to the realization that what keeps me fueling the hamster in my mind are not just today’s responsibilities but old, deep-rooted patterns of thinking. Things like:
- I must work hard, because then I’ll succeed, I’ll be accepted, and I’ll be happy.
- I must earn a lot of money, because material things will somehow bring me joy.
- I must provide financial security, because everyone else in my life is depending on me to make the magic come alive.
- I must succeed, because success proves I am worthy of the life I was given.
It’s exhausting and counterproductive. But when life becomes an endless sprint, when exhaustion outweighs joy, when presence disappears and relationships start to wither—it’s time to start asking some hard questions.
That’s the invitation: to step off. Step off the wheel and make space for quality thinking. To ask the questions that rarely surface when the hamster’s in perpetual motion. Ancient and timeless questions like:
- What am I actually doing here, and why?
- Where am I headed and what’s the hurry?
- What does a fulfilling life look like—not just in fragments, but in every dimension?
- What difference do I want to make in this one brief life?
- How will these final chapters of my life be read by future generations?
And perhaps most importantly: what hidden paradigms, what unconscious scripts, keep me and my hamster on this torturous wheel? Because our thinking creates the lens through which we experience life, and so much of that thinking is inherited, unquestioned, and—if we’re honest— really unhelpful.
The Pause Button of Mindfulness
Eckhart Tolle once wrote, “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Misused, however, it becomes very destructive.” The hamster wheel is what happens when the mind uses us instead of us using it.
Mindfulness is the pause button. You’ve heard me say it before… it magically stretches seconds. It slows down the speed at which time slips into the future. It doesn’t dismantle the wheel or kill off that cute little hamster. It doesn’t demand that we quit our roles. Instead, it gives us a little space—tiny openings of presence where the wheel can slow down or stop altogether, and we remember who we are beneath the grind and whirl. It helps us recognize that we alone feed the hamster and, if the hamster stops spinning, so too does the wheel- Pretty elementary physics. We can give ourselves the grace needed to stop our self-conscious and critical thinking. We are fully in control.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the gentle master of mindful living, gave us words to carry in our pocket: “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”
Simple words. Easy to understand. Hard to remember and incorporate into our busy 21st Century lives. I’d like to share with you a few basic things you can do to regain control. None of these practices take any more time then responding to an email.
Practices That Slow the Spin
The Three-Breath Reset
At any moment—whether in a boardroom or at bedtime —pause and take three deep, intentional breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose. Exhale fully through your mouth and let out an audible <<sigh>>. Repeat that a few times. Three breaths may seem small, but they create a doorway into the present and can quickly reset your nervous system.
Name Your Hamster
This one may sound silly but, Tolle reminds us, “You are not your mind.” When the wheel begins to spin too fast, first get good a recognizing this and then name your hamster: “There’s the Anxious CEO hamster,” or “Here comes the Worried Dad hamster.” Naming creates distance and reminds you that you hold the car keys. That distance creates space for exercising free will. You can tell your little hamster friend to take a chill pill or “piss off” all together – not forever, but for now. For a few precious seconds. You’re completely in control. By naming the hamster, perhaps you can make that hamster your bitch.
Walking Like You Have Nowhere to Go
You don’t have to sign up for a wellness retreat, get great at holding a lotus pose or hire a guru to meditate successfully. Thich Nhat Hanh taught walking meditation: one foot placed slowly in front of the other, with mindful awareness, and a half-smile on your lips. Try it in your hallway, on your lawn, or on a quick pee break in between back-to-back-to-back (to back) video conference calls. Each step can be a gentle reminder that: “life ain’t a race.”
The Spacious Minute
Grab your iPhone and set a timer for one minute. Just 60 seconds. Close your eyes. Notice not your thoughts, but the space between them. Tolle calls this “the gap.” It’s the still center of your spinning wheel, an oasis of calm amidst the chaos of daily life. Think of it as a comfortable place to reset, to breathe deeply and allow the noise of your mind to fade into the background. As you focus on the gaps, you might discover an underlying sense of peace that has always been there, waiting patiently for your attention. Recognize this minute as an opportunity to connect with your authentic self, to appreciate the beauty of stillness, and to cultivate some mindfulness that may just extend beyond this brief moment. It is always there, waiting for you to acknowledge it – and it only takes 60 seconds.
Remind Yourself: You’re Not Alone
On The Story of Us Project, we remind ourselves that we are part of something much larger—from the birth of the cosmos to the intimate depths of our being. We are all connected and are all experiencing the same suffering. Controlling the hamster on the wheel of your mind may feel like a private struggle, but it’s part of the universal human story. Every parent, every partner, every leader… every human that has every existed has fought this battle.
It’s important to remind yourself that, beyond the wheel, there really is stillness. Beyond the constant becoming, there is plenty of time for simply… being. (and just being is often more then enough)
Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, “The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”
The wheel is noisy when the hamster is sprinting at full speed. Meanwhile, presence is as quiet as a ninja on tiptoes, slipping in and out of moments unnoticed, whispering sweet nothings about mindfulness while we scroll through our social media feeds. Remember, those moments of silence are important for that is where your life actually happens.
The next time the wheel spins too fast, when different roles collide, when the noise level rises to rock concert decibels, when sleep won’t come—Just pause. Just breathe. Just enjoying being. Name your hamster and allow yourself and your hamster the time to step off of the wheel, if only for a moment.
Because life is not the wheel. Life is the still ground it spins upon.
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